The Great Vita Digital Blowout

 

Hullo, dear fellow gamers! Hope you’re doing fine, and gaming like the wind. I am myself; and if you’re wondering how the OWOG system is working out, I’d say it’s working mightily well. Yet you cannot see it because alas, I can hardly find some time to write my weekly gaming reports these days. Things should settle soon enough; in the meantime, I’ll try to keep posting as often as I can. Stay tuned! ^^

For now, I’ll treat you to a meaty, many-for-one play report. See, I finally got round to taking care of all my Vita digital games once and for all. Many of these titles have been purchased on a whim during PSN sales, and most of them have been sitting in my gaming library for years. As I have more games to play than ever and don’t give a crap about digital stuff anyway, I decided to give them all a chance to shine before ousting them from my memory cards. There were many casualties, and few survived the ordeal. Without further ado, here are all the games that didn’t make the cut so far, and why they didn’t make it. 

 

 

Romancing SaGa 3 & Romancing SaGa 2: I gave the former the mother of all college tries, as I promised to do many posts ago. I picked Katarina this time, and things started auspiciously: the whole stealthy sequence in the castle was great fun, and Katarina’s tale was nicely engaging. Alas, things unravelled as soon as I was allowed to fight. I’m sorry, but SaGa 3’s combat is just too darn slow for my taste; and RSG 2, which I tried right after, suffers from the same issue. I really cannot get over those molasse-like fights; maybe I’ll try my hand at the original SNES games one day, but the remakes are a complete no-go.

Neko Buro – Cats Block: Puzzle games are usually not my cup of tea, but I thought the kitty factor could make this one palatable. It did for a while; however, I quickly grew bored and ditched the thing without regret. I’d rather replay Aqua Kitty DX to get my fill of cute felines, thanks very much. 

Dragon Fin Soup: I could deal with the oversized sprites, the approximative physics and the gloomy colour palette; however, DFS lost me when it started punishing me for destroying breakables. What sort of darn c*ck teasing is that, game? Heck, it’s like setting a plate of macarons under my nose and slapping my hand when I try to take one. Keep your destructible-yet-not environments; as for me, I’ll take my mashing urges to another ARPG.

Sumioni – Demon Arts: It looks great, it plays great, it’s a great game overall. But it’s a Platformer, and Platformers are anathema to me — especially a Platformer in which I have to draw the darn platforms myself. Heck, it’s already complicated enough to land on them, let alone to draw them! Multi-tasking is not my forte, and that game requires ample amounts of it. Drawing platforms, jumping on them, fighting enemies, unleashing special attacks; my hands and brain begged for mercy, and I was more than glad to humour them by dropping Sumioni. 

Spectral Souls – RotEE: A.k.a. the Loading Times from Hell. Now lookee here, game: you’re actually running on my Vita from a digital file, not on my PSP from an UMD; so you have absolutely no excuse. And since you also look like a giant turd full of shitty shades of brown, I had no qualms about ditching you before the end of the first fight.

 

Undertale: That indie title is so critically acclaimed that I grew curious, despite the fact that I fancy neither indie games nor games that try to deliver a meta-message about gaming. Undertale is both, and it bored me stiff after an hour of play. Not only is the gameplay tedious as heck, but the guilt-tripping is seriously annoying. The last thing I want is a game that tries to patronize me — b*tch, I’ve had mixed feelings about killing foes in games since I stomped on my first Chibobo in Super Mario Land. I’m acutely aware of the ambiguity of gratification through eradication in games, and I fully accept it nonetheless. 

Cladun – This is an RPG! & Cladun x2: The series' last instalment had failed to enthral me already, and those first two did as well. I really cannot describe precisely what I don’t like in the Cladun games; they just don’t click with me, period. I could tell you I don’t like the over-pixelated graphics, or that I get that persistent feeling that those games are trying too hard to be meta and witty; but really, the bottom line is that I cannot get into Cladun no matter how hard I try. 

The 3^rd Birthday: The PSN description promised me an ARPG; yet what I got was much closer to a Tomb Raider-y action game, and a seriously gloomy one at that. Combat systems that require actual motor skills are the ban of my life; and so, it should surprise no one that I gave up on that game after the first (failed) fight. 

Croixleur Sigma: I actually liked that Hack 'n' Slash at first, for its great physics and frantic fights; yet it’s so repetitive that I dropped it after a couple of stages. Mind you, I like repetition and mindless A-button mashing in my real-time combat; yet even I couldn’t help but grow bored of those tiny circular fighting arenas that all look the same. That game has nothing to offer but waves after waves of pesky foes, and it gets old very quickly. 

Hatoful Boyfriend: Budget otome that tries way too hard to be edgy, and forget to tell a good story — or a story, full stop. That game is little more than a bunch of VN and otome tropes mashed together; alas, the final product never quite gels. It could certainly do a fine job as Baby's first otome, but it's clearly not meaty enough to satiate a veteran. 

Brandish – The Dark Revenant: With its fiddly physics and yucky graphics, that relic should have stayed safely tucked in the ‘90s where it belongs. It’s an historical curio, that much is sure; but it’s better studied from afar than played. Sorry, Nihon Falcom: I’m totally your b*tch, but I won’t suck up everything with your name on it. 

Elminage Original: An old-fashioned FPDC à la Wizardry. Being the total FPDC whore I am, this game could, and should, have made the cut. Alas for EO, I already own a crap ton of prettier, more modern, physical FPDC — starting with a much better series with the same initials.

 

 

 

That’s all for the rejects, folks! As for the ones that made the cut, I promise to play them seriously in the upcoming weeks. Here’s the list for future reference:

 

Monster Monpiece

Danganronpa 3

Trails of The Sky SC

Final Fantasy VIII

Final Fantasy IX

Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen

Corpse Party: Blood Drive

 

Let me tell you: I feel mightily better after settling those games’ cases for good. This kinda shows that as far as shearing one’s backlog goes, the feeling of being done with a game is crucial, and totally independent from the actual playing time. With that said, I’ll see you soon with fresh run reports, dear fellow gamers. Until then, keep playing and take care!