Nintendo Switch: Two months, second thoughts - The hardware side

It's not secret that I bought my fair share of consoles over the course of my gaming life. That mass of consoles can be roughly divided into two categories: the much-wanted systems that ultimately failed to meet my lofty expectations, and the not-so-wanted systems that ultimately exceeded my meagre expectations. The latter category contains luminaries such as the Game Gear, a.k.a. my former Favourite Console Ever, the Vita, a.k.a. my newest Favourite Console Ever, and the DS and PSP, a.k.a the kings of portable RPG that masterfully blend the best of both retro and modern gaming. In the former category, we have the Game Boy, which I loved yet also came to resent because of how high-maintenance it was when it came to lighting conditions; the GBA, which I cannot play without getting some horrid hand cramping; the Mega Drive, which failed to give me the same sweet intimacy as handhelds; and, last but not least, the Switch.

It pains me greatly to admit it, but my initial love for the Switch is unfortunately wasting away. I though I had gotten my hands — literally — on a winner of a system and yet another first-class addition to my already respectable collection of handhelds; but alas, all the things that seemed so appealing when I was longing for the Switch from afar proved to be less than dazzling when seen up close. As the title implies, there are two sides to that coin of disaffection; let's start with the nitty-gritty of my hardware issues with the Switch, dear fellow gamers. (Also, because I can't be bothered to take pictures of my Switch, those posts will be adorned with XC2 screenshots.)

—The matte plastic used for the back of the Switch's tablet is literally the worst plastic I've laid my hands upon on any console, ever. It's like Nintendo went out of their way to handpick the material that would gather the most finger grease. I don't have particularly oily fingers, and I never snack when playing; and yet, after a mere two months and less than 200 hours of use, my Switch is already adorned with big fat greasy stains on all the places that come into regular contact with my fingers. Needless to say, all that unwelcome greasiness looks and feels utterly gross. Now of course, the Vita and the DS are also prone to grease staining; but rubbing the offending spots usually leaves your console clean as new. Not so with the Switch: you can rub all you want, the grease just. won't. bulge. This means that alcohol-based cleaning solutions are probably needed, which could be fatal to my Switch's coating — not to mention that I have better things to do than put the thing through a special cleaning therapy every couple of weeks. And then we have the analog sticks: instead of gathering grease, they gather every fleck of dust, dead skin or random crap that happens to be on your fingers; and once again, once something is stuck there, good luck wiping it away. This whole situation is just infuriating, and it boggles my mind that such materials were chosen and used for the Switch.

—The Switch feels too fragile for my taste. Mind you, I'm not saying that just because my Switch's left Joy-Con happened to be a bit loose right out of the box; that fragility issue is inherent to the system's design. Joy-Cons are bound to get loose over time no matter what, until playing becomes really uncomfortable or (worse) connectivity simply stops working entirely. This means that the Switch might become unplayable on the long run simply due to its very design; and after a whole lifetime spend playing systems that were designed as monuments of solidity, that sudden reversal of gaming fortune really stings.

—The Switch painfully lacks compactness and elegance. It just doesn't feel like a solid, real handheld — probably because it's not a true-blue handheld. For all intents and purposes, the Switch is but a tablet with two controllers stuck on the sides; it's a weird and unappealing mix of different parts that doesn't feel like a wholesome gaming system. The handheld aficionado and veteran in me just cannot fancy that big, blocky, disjointed mess of a console that lacks all the grace and solidity of a genuine handheld. On top of that, the Switch is simply too large and heavy not only for my own taste, but also to qualify as a genuine handheld. Sure, you can carry it around; but you can carry your laptop around as well, and yet you'd be hard-pressed to call it a portable gaming system.

—The Switch has a way of getting uncomfortably hot during long playing sessions, especially on the right side. I even had to give up on playing a couple of time and let the system cool down because it was simply getting too hot to hold. Needless to say, it's all but impossible to play the Switch when it's charging, as it gets even more searingly hot.

—The Switch's battery management is pure hassle. It's already annoying enough that the Switch has such poor battery life, forcing me to charge it literally every day; but that's not even my main battery-related issue. No, my main issue lies in the darn annoying Sleep Mode. Because the Switch cannot be completely turned off unless you go through a complicated and utterly unintuitive process, most of us will simply put their Switch in sleep mode and call it a day. But wait, there's a catch: sleep mode keeps draining your Switch's battery, and rather fast at that. So you didn't touch your Switch for a week after fully charging it? Too bad, now it's empty! Just say goodbye to your planned gaming session and go charge it again, sucker. (Yup, this is totally first-hand experience.) So, the GBA, DS and Vita can hold battery power for weeks on end, even months; but the Switch has to be kept on a constant charging diet? Not too convenient for an 'hybrid' console, methinks.  

—Last but not least, I have a more general beef with the Switch, one that's entirely based on my collector's instinct: I feel that the Switch was not designed with longevity and perennity in mind, which is an absolute first for a Nintendo portable console — and maybe even for a Nintendo console full stop. I've handled and played every single Nintendo handheld, from Game&Watches to the 3DS, and I could always genuinely feel the sheer solidity and robustness of those systems: they were designed to last years and endure enormous amounts of abuse from careless hands. The Switch, on the other hand, doesn't ooze solidity and robustness at all, but rather feels like a fancy toy that's bound to break before you're through with it. As a collector, I very much have an issue with that approach. I just don't want to invest my funds and affections in a console that was so obviously designed as a disposable, one-generation-only piece of kit — something to be picked, played, used until it breaks and then ditched and forgotten as the newest piece of kit enters the picture. Granted, that approach has been running rampant on the home console scene for some years now; but I always thought (and hoped) that Nintendo would stay away from it and keep treating us to consoles designed to last. Alas, it seems they've been contamined at last by the industry's dirty built-in obsolescence ways.  

At the end of the day, I think reality simply caught up with me. As a handheld aficionado, I really wanted the Switch to inherit the 3DS and Vita's legacy and perpetuate the strong, long-running Nintendo handheld tradition; but alas, it seems that this dream scenario is not meant to be. The Switch is a home console after all; and like all current home consoles, it's flimsy, fussy and not designed to last. Well, fine; I was fooled once, but I won't be fooled twice. There won't be extra backup Switches for me; I'll use my current Switch until it dies, and then it's game over — literally. But what about all those Switch games you were so excited about a few weeks ago, you may ask? Don't you want to collect them? Well, about that... Things have changed, shall we say. But that's a subject I'll cover in the soon-to-come second part of that Switch rant, dear fellow gamers. Thanks for reading, and be my guest anytime!